| To Stay Married, Keep
Dating
by Terry Hernon MacDonald
One of my favorite memories from last year was not watching
my young daughters rip into their Christmas presents, or seeing
them perform in the school talent show. No, my happiest recollection
was the date my husband and I went out on one stormy Tuesday
night in November.
A few days before, we’d had our fill of running the
girls to swimming lessons and fighting with them to do their
homework. We could not endure the sight of one more PTA notice
requesting money for this fundraiser or attendance at that
meeting. We broke. We called a sitter and reserved a table
at the most elegant restaurant in town.
And what a night it was. The sitter was late,
of course, and the wind was snapping off tree branches and
hurling them at our car, but we made it. The food, the wine,
and the service were fine. We put the children firmly out
of our minds. By the time the salad came, we were sufficiently
unwound.
We started having fun. We were laughing. The
subjects of the weird charge on our cell phone bill or our
dire need for a new refrigerator never entered the discussion.
We were transformed into the couple we used to be before children,
two cars, and a mortgage. We were footloose, fancy free, and
out for a good time.
The happiness of that evening stayed with us
for many days. We were attentive to one another. We remembered
why we’d gotten married and were glad for it, proving
my mother’s advice that happy couples continue to date
each other forever.
“It’s important,” she’d
say.
But, in the early years of our marriage, I’d
make excuses. Diaper and formula bills left little money for
nights out on the town. It was impossible to find a good babysitter.
It was selfish of us to take time away from the children.
“Make it a priority,” my mother
would respond. “Children are the result of the marriage,
not the reason for it.”
Like a lot of couples, my husband and I had
forgotten that. We’d completely wrapped ourselves up
in our children and their needs. We started losing sight of
each other, but we knew that if we didn’t make time
for our relationship, our children would grow up and we’d
be left behind, looking at each other and wondering, “Who
the heck is this person?”
So we decided to make it a goal to go out on
a date once a month (once a week is better, according to my
mother), and I heartily recommend you do the same. If you’re
a woman and your husband is reluctant, don’t guilt trip
him into “taking” you out. You’re not luggage.
Instead, remind him that you love him, and tell him that you
miss having him to yourself. That should convince him.
I’m not going to pretend it’s ever
easy to squeeze a date onto a calendar of never-ending responsibilities.
It isn’t. My husband and I had dinner plans tonight,
but we had to cancel due to an event at our daughters’
school. It's disappointing, but it won’t deter us. We’ll
just reschedule our night out for next week.
We've made it a priority because, as my mother
counseled, our happy marriage depends on it.
Keywords: happy marriage, happily married,
secrets of happy marriage, lasting marriage
About the Author
Terry Hernon MacDonald, Shelton, Connecticut
terry@marrysmart.com
http://www.marrysmart.com
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the host of the weekly HealthyLife.net
radio show, "Romance Talk," which will debut October
8. Go to http://www.healthylife.net for more information,
or visit Terry's website, http://www.marrysmart.com
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