| 10 LOW EQ Ways to
Choose the Right Man for You
by Susan Dunn
In choosing the right man for you, you need to use your Emotional
Intelligence (EQ). Here are 10 LOW EQ ways to do it that will
guarantee disaster. 1. Choosing the obvious ones to avoid:
addicts, child abusers, chronic gamblers, felons, “boys”,
etc. If you keep falling in love with the wrong type of guy,
you need help. Please seek it.
2. Choosing by sexual attraction alone. That’s a choice
your reptilian brain is making which is to say not a choice
at all. “Choosing” implies weighing alternatives
and being rational. In no area of your life do you want your
reptilian brain in charge. It doesn’t “think.”
3. Choosing by externals alone. It’s nice if he’s
handsome, but not if he’s just another pretty face.
Are you choosing a 37’ powerboat instead of a man who
owns one? His face will change; his toys may disappear. It’s
“for better or for worse,” not “for as long
as he can buy me Fendi handbags.”
4. Rushing. Date him long enough to go through
actual situations that test what you can’t see and touch
– his values, priorities, manners, morals, and interests.
At first you’ll go to drag races, WFW
matches and duck hunting just to be with him, right? Do you
really see yourself doing these things every weekend for the
rest of your life? By the same token, is he being nice to
your kids just to get to you? Is he willing to go shopping
with you and to art museums? Only time will tell.
5. Rushing. Give it time so he can sort out
his feelings. Men tend to go from desire to action without
thinking in between. This is why we see them make such poor
choices in women, and then do it again. You may be sure, but
is he? 6. Rushing. You need time because even a workaholic
will give you attention 24/7 at first. Only 6 months down
the line will you discover that once he’s “got
you,” he compartmentalizes you. Work comes first, then
his golf. He’ll summon you when it’s your turn.
7. Not checking out his attitude toward women. How does he
treat his mother? Your friends? His sister?
8. Trusting only your intellect.
This means gathering facts, listening to experts,
not checking in with your intuition, and listening to advice
blindly. Let’s say your best friend, who’s very
perceptive, tells you he’s a womanizer. I’d give
that some weight, but I’d check it out myself. It won’t
be hard. Give it time, stay awake and you’ll see.
Another example – You made the list of
what you wanted. There he is in front of you, lacking 3 of
the 6 items on your list, but you adore him. You really click.
That’s a good time to go back and rethink your list.
You’re always entitled to change your mind.
9. Trusting only your feelings. Come now, do
you really think you can make a life with someone who is (admittedly)
darling and sexy BUT hates your religion, has different morals
and ethics than you do, has already alienated your father,
wants 6 kids while you don’t want any, refuses to “let”
you work, and has already ordered you to get rid of your cat?
This is like allowing yourself to fall in love
with a married man. Just go stick an ice pick in your eyeball
instead.
10. Misunderstanding the nature of feelings.
Our emotions give us information. They don’t demand
behavior. When I was a teenager I was dating a creep. My father
told me I had to quit seeing him. “But I love him,”
I said. Said he: “Love someone else.” No, you
can’t manufacture feelings, but neither do they have
to be acted upon. They can be taken “under advisement”
and thought through.
Keywords: relationship, women's issues, dating, sex, romance,
love, marriage
About the Author
Susan Dunn, San Antonio, TX, USA
sdunn@susandunn.cc
http://www.susandunn.cc
Susan Dunn, MA, Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks
around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, transitions,
resilience, personal and professional development. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc
for free ezine.
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