| The HIGH EQ Way to
Choose the Right Man for You
by Susan Dunn
To make a wise choice, take a look inside him. Use your EQ
and ask yourself these questions.
1. What’s his EQ? Did you know you
can measure it? Since your relationship depends upon your
interpersonal skills, it would be smart if you both took the
EQ-Map© and then worked with an EQ coach on areas needed.
EQ can be learned.
2. Does he have deficits in the limbic
brain? This is about eye contact, oxytocin, bonding, parenting,
affection, using the word “we”. If all you’re
getting is reptilian (sex ) and neocortex (intellectual),
why give up good closet space when a Rampant Rabbit and Wikipedia
would do?
3. How’s the left- right brain
balance? Talking to someone who’s all left-brain is
like getting facts from a machine. Talking to someone who’s
all right-brain – they may not be organized enough to
show up for the talk!
4. How “male” brained is he?
According to Simon Baron-Cohen, the extreme male brain is
good at systematizing, and low on empathy. It takes the average
male 7 times longer to process emotional information than
for a woman to. What if it takes him 70 times longer? What
if he can’t get there at all?
5. How does he manage his anger? You need
to experience this. Don’t make a decision until you’ve
had your first big fight. Make sure you both trust yourselves
and the relationship enough to be able to disagree openly
and come to a resolution.
6. Will he be there for you? As Oriah Mountain
Dream says, will he “stand in the middle of the fire
with [you] and not shrink back?” It’s a sign of
maturity and character to be able to stand and deliver when
you feel like running.
7. Can he be faithful? This isn’t a philosophical
issue. If it happens to you, it can hit you in the gut. Male
infidelity may be intellectually defensible, but emotionally
it destroys the covenant of the relationship the way the radioactive
contamination from a nuclear bomb destroys vegetation. It
won’t be coming back in your lifetime, and without it,
there is no relationship. 8. Does he know enough is enough?
One should never use more force than is necessary. Can he
think before he speaks and then deliver just the right amount.
And no more. It shows empathy, self-confidence, and self-control.
This means resisting all urges to deliver the big one-two
he knows would really really hurt you in a verbal argument.
9. Do you laugh together? If there’s anything
you can count on to get you through the long haul, it’s
a sense of humor. Wit gets bonus points with me. It can be
used in public, and can save your marriage on a 6-hour car
trip with a carsick child and a broken air-conditioner. Silliness
… now that’s the sign of true lovers.
10. Does he say nice things to you about you
and the relationship? The formula is 3 positive things for
each negative thing. Does he do this? Is he willing to learn?
Keywords: sex, dating, relationships, emotions,
smart choices, women's issues, romance
About the Author
Susan Dunn, San Antonio, TX, USA
sdunn@susandunn.cc
http://www.susandunn.cc
Susan Dunn, MA, Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks
around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, transitions,
resilience, personal and professional development. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc
for free ezine.
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