| Seasons and Reasons
of Friendship
by Linda Oprica
Many say, “I have friendships that I am finding to be
a drain on my energy. I feel guilty about feeling this way.”
Let me say right off the bat that many of us have or have
had this same experience with friends that no longer fit for
us for a variety of reasons. I have a one page write-up that
I have kept for years that I believe is called “A Reason,
A Season or A Lifetime”. It talks about how people come
into our lives; some for a season, some for a reason and some
for a lifetime.
I think it is important to know the difference. People teach
us about ourselves. Some of those lessons are just that and
we/they move on. Those people are there for a reason. There
is something specific that we have learned from this person/situation
or that we have given to someone else. That is all that has
been required; that is the gift. Those are the people/situations
we can remember back to and might comment by saying something
like “funny how(the person) helped me get through that
project/relationship/work. That was really the basis of our
relationship.”
There are others who stay for a season lasting from a few
months to some years. There is a give and take in that relationship
and then at some point for a myriad of reasons they or we
leave. There was learning in that season. Those seasons may
be that you both worked in the same place, had a hobby/activity
together, your children grew up together, you were lovers;
you fill in the blanks. I have had great friendships that
were based solely on a particular time of my life. Most were
work related, some were lovers and they filled me up at the
time and I, them. I remember them with warmth, fondness and
know that those people do not have a place in my life nor
I, in theirs. There is not a minute I would change of that
time or relationship. Those seasons taught me about myself
in my giving to others and receiving from others. They have
helped to mold me as the person I am today.
Then there are those who stay in our lives and
hearts forever. We are in these relationships for a lifetime
and they too teach us things about ourselves and are give
and take relationships. I have life-long friends that I don’t
see or talk to often and yet when we get together it was like
not a minute had gone by since the last time we talked. There’s
something very deep and connected in those relationships and
they hold great meaning because of that connection.
There is some decision to be made and some questions
to ask ourselves when we find that our friends are draining
our energy. Has this friendship served its reason or season?
Have your needs/interests changed? Do you care a great deal
about this person? If so, then maybe what you need to do is
limit your time with them so that you can enjoy the best of
each other. Is your energy drained to begin with? When that
happens we become more needy and often critical of others.
Sometimes letting go of these relationships that clutter our
lives is a matter of just not seeing each other and with others,
a conversation is required.
You are the best judge. As one of my clients
said to me, “Sometimes we need to weed the garden of
friendship”. I love that. Not every garden is perfect
for every flower to grow and be nourished. It is up to us
to plant, nourish and weed our gardens of friendship to keep
them and us blossoming.
Keywords: friendship, mentors, guidance,
About the Author
Linda Oprica,
clutter@ascentcoaching.com
Linda Oprica, personal, business and executive
coach is the publisher of the popular newsletter, More Results
with Less Clutter. She is the founder of Ascent Coaching and
is a sought after conference and workshop speaker. To find
out more about Linda and her one-of-a-kind programs, visit
http://www.AscentCoaching.com.
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