| "Divorce Decision:
Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"
by Karl Augustine
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things
that you should consider. Too often people find themselves
unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when
making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision
and frustration. When making a serious divorce decision, having
an open mind and listing the things that will figure into
your decision about divorce, will help make the process a
little simpler for you.
The things to consider when deciding about divorce varies
somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the
most common items to contemplate:
Divorce Decision Item 1: Making sure that you
are emotionally ready to go through with a decision.
Not being really ready to decide about whether
to get a divorce because of emotional uncertainty will be
a serious obstacle if you let your emotions cloud your ability
to reason or use logic. People often fear making a tough decision
and there are many reasons why people don't ever get around
to actually making a divorce decision, which is often one
of the toughest decisions to make in life. If you aren't ready
to handle the emotional pain of what could be a "life
changing" event like deciding about divorce, wait until
you can before going through your divorce decision making
process.
Divorce Decision Item 2: Making sure that the
reasons for divorce that you've listed regarding why you think
you want a divorce are indeed valid.
Too often people make the mistake of wanting
to get a divorce (or thinking they want to get a divorce)
for unviable reasons. This comes from being wrapped up with
the idea of being hurt and focusing on one's self rather than
separating the actual events from the end results.
Yes, it is very tough to elevate your thinking
and be seemingly autonomous to your own situation...in fact,
it is often impossible to do. But, if you can look at your
situation with someone else in your place, and then go through
your divorce decision making process, you'll be closer to
the real answer that you want.
Divorce Decision Item 3: Understanding that
your sense of self-confidence, ability to be 'self sustaining'
with finances or other material things, and desire to 'start
over' are all unwavering.
This mix of considerations about divorce can
be overpowering for some people when they try to 'break away'
or make the decision about getting a divorce. Simply, these
'things to think about' intertwine and affect each other directly.
Self-confidence is essential to being able to make a lucid
divorce decision, and your level of self-confidence can easily
be changed (for better or worse) instantly. If this is the
case, you should really re-think whether you're ready to make
a divorce decision and follow through with it.
A lot of time, women in divorce situations have
to deal with finance issues and they fear going out on their
own because they've had financial support previously. Still,
the fear of losing finances or material things is not gender
specific by any means...men and women alike need to decide
if they are ready to go through financial loss to improve
their lives if they feel a divorce will do so. Logic will
lead you to the fact that finances shouldn't be the only piece
of your divorce decision even though it usually figures in...as
to what level finances figure into your divorce decision,
will depend on you and what you deem important.
If your overall confidence and desire to start
over with your love life support making a change, you're off
to a good start in making a smart decision about whether to
divorce or not.
Divorce Decision Item 4: Determining who else
your divorce decision will affect and how much weight that
carries in your decision making formula about divorce.
This item to consider when thinking about divorce
is one of the primary things that can lead a person to a decision,
one way or another. Even though it can have serious negative
repercussions, selfless people will take into account everyone
else who will be affected by a serious change like getting
a divorce...it is fundamental portion of the overall process
of making a smart divorce decision. Children, in-laws, common
friends, etc., all will be affected by what you do regarding
your action as a result of you truly answering the question,
"Should I Get A Divorce?".
When making your decision about staying married
or getting divorced, you should look to the future and decide
whether your decision will improve or decrease your quality
of life and the quality of life of those that will be affected.
The number one reason given by people who want to get divorced
but don't go through with it, stems from the fear that others
will suffer from the divorce. Be very careful when assessing
this situation...make sure that you use logic and not emotion
when evaluating your thoughts.
Making a divorce decision is a serious and difficult
task because it is complex, deeply self-reflective, and frightening
due to the length of time it can affect you and others. Make
sure that you have your thoughts organized and prioritized
and you take your time in making a decision.
Keywords: divorce decision
About the Author
Karl Augustine, Issaquah WA
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com
Author of "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not
To Get A Divorce", a resource recommended by counselors
and coaches to their clients. Proven "Action Items"
to help you decide!
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