| 7 Power Skills that
Build Strong Relationships
by Steve Brunkhorst
A strong, healthy relationship is one in which the partners
show respect and kindness toward each other. The relationship
forms a rewarding and enduring bond of trust and support.
Here are seven power skills that will help you form stronger
alliances and bring more closeness, authenticity and trust
to your relationships.
1. Relax Optimistically
If you are comfortable around others, they will feel comfortable
around you. If you appear nervous, others will sense it and
withdraw. If you are meeting someone for the first time, brighten
up as if you've rediscovered a long-lost friend. A smile will
always be the most powerful builder of rapport. Communicating
with relaxed optimism, energy and enthusiasm will provide
a strong foundation for lasting relationships.
2. Listen Deeply
Powerful listening goes beyond hearing words and messages;
it connects us emotionally with our communication partner.
Listen to what the person is not saying as well as to what
he or she is saying. Focus intently and listen to the messages
conveyed behind and between words.
Listen also with your eyes and heart. Notice facial expressions
and body postures, but see beneath the surface of visible
behaviors. Feel the range of emotions conveyed by tone of
voice and rhythm of speech. Discern what the person wants
you to hear and also what they want you to feel.
3. Feel Empathetically
Empathy is the foundation of good two-way communication. Being
empathetic is seeing from another person's perspective regardless
of your opinion or belief. Treat their mistakes as you would
want them to treat your mistakes. Let the individual know
that you are concerned with the mistake, and that you still
respect them as a person. Share their excitement in times
of victory, and offer encouragement in times of difficulty.
Genuine feelings of empathy will strengthen the bond of trust.
4. Respond Carefully
Choose emotions and words wisely. Measure your emotions according
to the person's moods and needs. Words can build or destroy
trust. They differ in shades of meaning, intensity, and impact.
What did you learn when listening deeply to the other individual?
Reflect your interpretation of the person's message back to
them. Validate your understanding of their message.
Compliment the person for the wisdom and insights they've
shared with you. This shows appreciation and encourages further
dialogs with the individual. A response can be encouraging
or discouraging. If you consider in advance the impact of
your emotions and words, you will create a positive impact
on your relationships.
5. Synchronize Cooperatively
When people synchronize their watches, they insure that their
individual actions will occur on time to produce an intended
outcome. Relationships require ongoing cooperative action
to survive and thrive.
As relationships mature, the needs and values of the individuals
and relationship will change. Career relationships will require
the flexibility to meet changing schedules and new project
goals. Cooperative actions provide synchrony and build trusting
alliances. They are part of the give and take that empowers
strong, enduring relationships.
6. Act Authentically
Acting authentically means acting with integrity. It means
living in harmony with your values. Be yourself when you are
with someone else. Drop acts that create false appearances
and false security.
When you act authentically, you are honest with yourself and
others. You say what you will do, and do what you say. Ask
for what you want in all areas of your relationships. Be clear
about what you will tolerate. Find out what your relationship
partners want also. Being authentic creates mutual trust and
respect.
7. Acknowledge Generously
Look for and accentuate the positive qualities in others.
Humbly acknowledge the difference that people make to your
life. Validate them by expressing your appreciation for their
life and their contributions. If you let someone know that
they are valuable and special, they will not forget you. Showing
gratitude and encouragement by words and actions will strengthen
the bonds of any relationship.
Don't forget to acknowledge your most important relationship:
the relationship with yourself. Acknowledge your own qualities,
and put those qualities into action. You cannot form a stronger
relationship with others than you have with yourself. You
will attract the qualities in others that are already within
you.
Ask yourself: What thoughts and behaviors will attract the
kind of relationships I desire? What is one action I could
take today that would empower my current relationships?
Write down all the qualities or behaviors that you desire
for your relationships. Select the power skills that will
attract those qualities. Keep a journal of the actions you
take and the progress you make. By turning these skills into
lifelong habits, you will build relationships that are healthy,
strong and mutually rewarding.
Keywords: relationships,relationship skills,trust,authenticity,alliances,listening
About the Author
Steve Brunkhorst, Alma
http://www.achieveezine.com
(C) Copyright 2004 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve coaches people
to help them revitalize their inner spark, access their natural
talents, and design strategies to reach their personal and
career goals. Get Steve's motivational and inspirational mini-zine,
Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com
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