| Favorite Communication
Operating Principals
by Susan Dunn
Virginia Sapir, a psychologist and pioneer in family counseling,
wrote: “Once a human being has arrived on this earth,
communication is the largest single factor determining what
kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens
to him in the world about him.”
With this in mind, I present some my favorite
Communication Operating Principals.
1. “In order to understand what another person is saying
you must assume it is true and try to imagine what it could
be true of.” ~George Miller
2. “The first law of communication is:
Assume you have been misunderstood.” ~Source Unknown
3. “Men can take up to 7 hours longer
[than women] to process complex emotive data. [They] will
not know what they feel at the moment of feeling and will
take longer to figure it out. [They] may not be able to put
their feelings in words – if they choose a verbal strategy
at all.” ~Michael Gurian, author of “What Could
He Be Thinking”
4. “Verbal confrontation is as natural
to men as walking or breathing, and as unconscious.”
~Suzette Haden Elgin, author of “The Gentle Art of Verbal
Self-Defense”
5. “There is a libraryful of research
to indicate that logic is almost useless as a way of convincing
people of anything.” ~Suzette Haden Elgin
6. “Never use Hedges (‘I know you’d
never let me, but … ’). They are exactly equivalent
to wearing a big sign that say ‘Please kick me –
I would love to be a victim.’” ~Suzette Haden
Elgin
7. “If a man truly wants to communicate
with his wife, he must enter her world of emotions.”
~Gary Smalley
8. “For parlor use, the vague generality
is a life saver.” ~George Ade
9. “The most important thing in communication
is to hear what isn’t being said.” ~Peter Drucker
10. “Sympathetic people often don’t
communicate well. They back reflected images which hide their
own depths.” ~George Eliot
11. “If you can always be taken by surprise
because you have no idea what verbal aggression is or how
to spot it, you are an ideal target.” ~Suzette Haden
Elgin
12. “The genius of communication is the
ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the
same time.” ~John Powell
Whether we’re communicating at work, socially, or in
an intimate relationship, and whether we’re communicating
thoughts or feelings, it’s a strategy, a choice we make
in an effort to accomplish something. And, it’s good
to remember – if you’re there, you’re communicating
SOMETHING, whether you mean to or not.
Interpersonal skills are part of emotional intelligence and
can be learned. Become aware of your communication style and
work to improve it.
Keywords: communication, relationships,
self help, women's issues, general interest
About the Author
Susan Dunn, San Antonio, TX, USA
sdunn@susandunn.cc
http://www.susandunn.cc
Susan Dunn, MA, Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks
around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, transitions,
resilience, personal and professional development. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc
for free ezine.
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