| The Bright Side of
Loneliness
by Thelma Mariano
Recently a romantic relationship came to an end and I found
myself alone again. The minutes, the hours now felt empty.
For three weeks I sat beside a silent phone, rehashing the
past and coming to terms with my loss. After the warmth and
intimacy of love, my loneliness felt like a great abyss that
I could not escape.
I do not allow myself to indulge in self-pity – so my
next reaction was to ask “what now?” Looking back,
I saw that I had invested so much time and energy in the relationship
that I had grown lax about undertaking new projects or meeting
new people.
My first step was to join a Friday evening discussion
group, which I found very stimulating. I also prepared and
delivered two new workshops to help people find their life
purpose and make money doing what they loved. In giving these
I again recognized what I had to offer the community (encouragement,
experience and insight) and was buoyed by the positive response
from participants.
Everyone feels lonely sometimes. It’s
part of being human! However we cannot afford to become paralyzed
by a sense of isolation. We all need to connect – both
to ourselves and to the world around us.
What does your loneliness tell you? What is
it that you miss? You may believe that a love partner will
fulfill all your needs. However the intensity that marks the
beginning of a relationship doesn’t last; with luck,
it will change into something deeper. The two of you will
again be drawn into your individual lives. If you don’t
feel connected to what you are doing or to the people around
you, you are likely to feel lonely again.
Here are my suggestions for dealing with loneliness:
Get involved with others
Have time on your hands? Offer your services
at a soup kitchen, read stories to children, or play cheerful
tunes on the piano at the seniors’ residence. What do
you know or are good at? Perhaps you can do like me and give
a workshop in your area of expertise. There’s no room
for loneliness when you give freely of yourself – and
you will receive love and appreciation in return.
If you’re a computer buff, there are communities
of people on the Net who want to share their interests, from
dating to rug hooking. Especially for the housebound, regular
e-mail friends can be a great solace.
Do something you love
Limit your television viewing, push yourself
off the couch and engage in something that you really enjoy!
Maybe you haven’t roller-skated in years and going to
the local rink makes you come alive. Bake your favourite pie
and share it with a friend, or learn how to do the lambada.
The problem is that many of us don’t ALLOW
ourselves to do what we love. We tell ourselves, I’ll
do it when… (I meet the love of my life, become more
successful, finish all these chores). Do it NOW and you will
feel better for it.
Connect with nature
I never feel lonely when I go for a long walk
by the river. I have a thing for water: ocean, lake or streams.
Feel your connection to nature – whether you plant a
row of petunias or take a leisurely walk in the park.
Journal for self-expression
When there’s no one around to talk to,
and I feel the need, I journal in a small notebook in longhand,
letting deeper thoughts and feelings emerge from my subconscious.
I write about my preoccupations as well as my hopes and fears.
You cannot enjoy being alone without peace of
mind. Journaling helps you to voice and resolve any inner
conflicts that you have. Doing it on a regular basis will
give you clarity and focus. It’s a good way to connect
with your inner self.
Realize that you are NOT alone
Do you know that most of the world is feeling
lonely at this very moment? Think of the new neighbour on
your street, a foreign student in your class, or the man who
just joined your company. Each of them wonders how he or she
will make friends. Be the first to give a warm welcome.
Whatever your faith or beliefs, connecting with a Higher Force
through prayer or meditation will also dispel feelings of
isolation.
A little too much solitude spurs me to reach out to those
around me. On my nature walk yesterday, I met a woman. As
we both watched kayakers ride the rapids, we struck up a conversation
– ranging from our experience with water sports to where
we grew up and what we enjoyed about the waterfront. At the
end we both went our separate ways, parting with a smile and
a wave. I’ve learned to appreciate the little exchanges
that make life so much fuller.
Loneliness makes me feel painfully alive
and aware that I cannot afford to get complacent. It compels
me to do more, to be more. And that isn’t such a bad
thing, is it?
Keywords: loneliness, alone
About the Author
Thelma Mariano, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
thelma@u-unlimited.ca
http://www.u-unlimited.ca
Thelma Mariano, life coach and author, is dedicated to bringing
clarity and direction to people's lives. Drawing on fifteen
years of personal development work, she helps clients to recognize
their unique gifts and overcome blocks in order to achieve
their dreams. See her on-line coaching programs, articles
and column at http://www.u-unlimited.ca
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