| My Dad's Secrets
by Gary Anderson
(from the book Spider’s Night on the Boom) Gary Anderson
www.abciowa.com
I've only begun to understand my dad since I became a father
myself, and it's amazing to me how I'm constantly being reminded
of lessons he taught me 40 years ago—lessons that I
never even knew I was learning.
As a kid, my life was like a black-and-white
kid's adventure movie, composed of disjointed, but sometimes
very exciting scenes. My parents played the parts of supporting
actors in the movie of my life, and although my dad would
have rated large letters in the opening credits, his character
would have been reviewed by a critic “needing to be
fleshed out."
Even so, I saw my father as supremely confident.
He could fix anything, he always seemed to know exactly where
he was going, and knew the most efficient route to get there.
I never saw a look of worry on his face, never heard him express
any doubts, and I certainly never saw him cry. His air of
confidence made our home a safe place to my brothers, sister,
and I—a place to grow with total loving support. But
since the mantle of "Daddery" has been passed to
me, I've come to realize that my dad must have had moments
of genuine doubt and confusion, just as I do. But I never
really knew how he felt, deep inside. It never showed, and
we never talked about it.
When I became a father, I suddenly began to
appreciate my own father's sacrifices as he worked tirelessly
to provide for his family. I began to get a glimpse of the
precarious balancing act he faced every day: wife, children
and family vs. the dampened fires of his own soul.
It was only after I left home that I began to
hear stories about my dad's dreams—sacrificed in the
name of being a "father." I heard about a young
man who gave up a promising baseball career to become my dad.
There was no long debate; that's what dads did. They set aside
their personal dreams to pursue what was considered a higher
calling—that of giving the next generation an opportunity
to pursue their dreams.
My father understood those rules clearly. Dads
worked hard and stayed employed, regardless of how menial
or mundane the job. Dads spent time with their kids. But most
importantly, dads offered glimpses into what it meant to be
a man and a father—in the purest sense of both terms.
In what seems to me to be a smaller way than
my dad, I walk the precarious tightrope that is "Dad"
vs. "Me," always trying to maintain a balance between
the two. And although my circumstances are very different,
the importance of the task remains unchanged.
Like my father, I try to let my kids know how
much I believe in the sanctity of this special time in their
lives. By offering them my love and support, I hope to give
them the gift my father gave me—the greatest gift a
father can give, really—warm, gentle memories of their
childhood. And no matter how difficult their lives may become
later on, they’ll always be able to take comfort in
those sweet memories, and no one can ever take that gift away.
So here's to my dad, to your dad, and to all
dads—men who gave up or postponed their own dreams so
that we might reach for ours. Men in whose footprints we tried
to step as we struggled through the deep snowdrifts of our
childhood, marveling at how long a man's stride could be.
© 2004. Gary E. Anderson. All rights reserved.
Keywords: dads, fathers, dad, father, parenting, parents,
life, motivational
About the Author
Gary Anderson, Elgin, Iowa, USA
abciowa@alpinecom.net
http://www.abciowa.com
Gary Anderson is a freelance writer, editor, ghostwriter,
and manuscript analyst, living on a small Iowa farm. He’s
published more than 500 articles and four books. He’s
also ghosted a dozen books, edited more than 30 full-length
manuscripts, produced seven newsletters, and has done more
than 800 manuscript reviews for various publishers around
the nation. If you need writing or editing help, visit Gary’s
website at www.abciowa.com.
|
